No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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