Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
