Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
