I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
