i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
