I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
