sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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