well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
