Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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