finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She even gives head with a lisp.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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