I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
