And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
