Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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