I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
