I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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