so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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