My brain says no but my pants say off.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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