I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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