if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
