ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
