she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
