Jerry, you need to find god
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize