So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
