apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
