I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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