Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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