is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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