I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
