it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
