My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
