we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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