he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
