the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize