I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
