Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
