Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
