is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
