meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize