Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
