I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
