Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
