he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize