i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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