i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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