ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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