I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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