I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
