The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
