Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize