I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
