You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
