too bad you live with your parents still
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
