SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
