i may or may not be watching the land before time
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
