If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
