Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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