You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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