now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
