a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
