It's Friday. Sex?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
