Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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