We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
