Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
