I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
