don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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