the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
