You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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