why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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