Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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