when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There's always time for handjobs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
